Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Here and Now

Sometimes I feel near death, when my health is actually okay; probably because I fear I failed to live as most should. I walked with caution when risk was all I needed. This makes me upset, with myself, because not only have I missed out on a real childhood, I am beginning to lose my adulthood. I have never been the bookworm but I do enjoy reading, I haven't read that many books, though. I sit at a desk, or on a bed, or maybe even under a tree and write my thoughts. My mind sails untrue because I have never taken the risk of love. Probably because of the way men have treated me through the years. As the sun sleeps I find myself in near tears, scared of what is going to happen to me. Maybe the lack of love in my life is, in fact, my fault. I have never broken the shield I placed over my body. Forgive me. I seem more real when I pray at night or during the day, but still there is something holding me back from God. It almost seems as if I am fighting my faith for a reason. I still am unsure. It seems as though I use that phrase a lot, "I am unsure" that scares me too. I want to be certain about things especially about God. But if we all knew God was real, faith would never exsist. You could relate God to a car. We all know the car is real, but not to many people worship the car. I still want to know, and that is where faith steps in. Watch over me God, as I will continue to grow and attempt to have faith in you. I am trying here and now with all of my strength, even though I am unsure.

1 comment:

  1. I know how it is. I think that sometimes we have to try to get the best from life because it has a lot of good things we can enjoy.

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