Five

I have been alone for five hours now; sitting in desolation almost seems like it makes the clock speak in slow motion. I miss you. Today marks five days since we last spoke. I still wonder when you will come back, running through the door with excitement; that won't happen, will it? Sometimes when I walk through the halls you used to stroll through, I hear your laugh and turn almost immediately, but it is never you. It is funny how I can hear your unique belt of a laugh and never see you, am I imagining things? Probably. Often times I find myself wondering what I could have done better or how I could have changed to make you love me, but I would never change. Your lips always spilt words of a soothing truth; a truth I never heard from anyone, but you. It almost seems as though I took that for granted. I try to turn to God, in hopes that he may be listening, but I never know if He is. More often than not I find myself dreaming of possibilities for you and me but deep down I do know that our breaks stopped us for a reason. That reason is something I am not ready to accept. I still want you. Why would God lead you to me if my heart would end up aching the way it does now? To make me stronger? I don't want to have any more strength than I already do, so send someone to love me. Please. For a moment I thought I fell in love with you, but now that it is over I am trying to make myself realize that it was never love, but merely lust. As I wander through life, I begin to realize maybe this is who I am supposed to be and this is how I am supposed to live, alone. Sure, being alone cannot define who you are or would like to be, but it sure changes you. I haven't heard your voice in five days now, I miss it. I can recall every conversation we have had. I haven't seen your soft skin in five weeks now. It feels like time is coming together as there is one number that is bothering me right now, five.